Episode 37. Transitioning from Pain to Possibility
I’m going through a process of major life transition right now as I reconsider everything in my life and re-decide on purpose what I want my life to look like.
And it’s crazy exciting.
In this episode, I share my process for thriving in a major life transition and how to move from Lots of transition in the past 5 years
Pivoted to virtual medicine/online program
I’m good at change, constantly transitioning – expecting more of myself and for myself
Not from a place of discontentment in my life – because I actually think my life is wonderful and fun and amazing – more from a place of – what else is possible?
Currently going through another major life transition – personal, in the middle of it, re-evaluating our priorities and questioning societal norms of how we raise children, what life is supposed to look like, how much we’re supposed to work etc.
Taking Reinvention class with teacher Brooke
- Questioning everything
- Burn everything down – re-decide on purpose what we want life to look like
- Going through this process
- Big work and personal transitions
How to know if you need to make a transition in your life
- Shift to re-align with your values
- Something is off
- Feel dissatisfied, out of integrity
Craig Groeschel – “The difference between the values you embrace and how you spend your time equals the frustration that you feel.”
Initial motivation for a life transition is often to relieve pain.
- Some people never make the transition
- Because change is scary for a lot of people
- A lot of people will live with the pain because it’s familiar, rather than embracing the change because it’s unfamiliar and scary
"I was running away from being overweight - I wasn't running toward being healthy. And now that I'm not at a dangerous weight, I don't have that fear driving me forward. I'm kinda figuring out what I want to run towards."
"I've found new motivation. I was falling apart before because the fear was gone. Now I'm really seeing physical gains. My personality has changed - I didn't notice until other people started commenting. My sense of humour has become less self-deprecating, now more self-congratulatory. People have commented I'm way more confident. And it's true - I feel myself in a different light. I can say - this is awesome! Looking at myself in the mirror has given me 100x more motivation than I had before. It also brought more motivation for the food that I'm eating. Before I was stumbling and then stumbling again - now I'm just running. I'll expose myself to triggers [fear foods] and I have motivation NOT to buy the chocolate bar at the gas station - it's a whole new phase."
Most of us look at life transition as moving from option a, to option b or c, like a multiple choice. What if you had a blank canvas. What if you could truly question everything you’ve always thought was status quo, and create something totally new in your life?
- Looking at my life
- How I grew up
- Good home, good schools, lots of extracurriculars, straight into university, straight into working, travel
- Moving to another country
- Taking a year off to do something totally different like travel or experience another culture
- Questioning BELIEFS
- Our kids need to be in school.
- Our kids need to be in one place for stability.
- Where we live, the friends we spend time with, questioning all of it
Deciding on purpose
What do we want our life to look like
If we can totally recreate it
What is the vision?
A lot of you don’t allow yourself to dream because when you do you get confronted with all your limiting beliefs. Enter into the HOW
Most people think immediately of the HOW and then talk themselves out of it (too far to go, too many steps, too different from what they’re familiar with)
- That’s too hard
- That’s impossible
- How could I ever do that
- I have a job, I have a house, I have a mortgage, I have this much debt, I have three children, …. And therefore I can’t.
How can I possibly lose 50 lbs for ever (when I’ve regained every single time before)?
How could I possibly make a million dollars?
Problem with focusing too much on the HOW without establishing the WHY is that when your initial HOW steps don’t work, you’ll think that means it’s not possible and give up.
You’ll only figure out the HOW by DOING.
Make 10 million dollars
Donate 1 million dollars to fight child sex trafficking
Help 10 thousand women and inspire hundreds of thousands of people to think bigger, dream bigger and live bigger
Live and work from anywhere in the world
Work only 3 days a week
Complete a triathlon
How am I going to get there
I don’t know!
I’ll let you know when I’ve done it.
I’m not focusing on the HOW. My brain will have a conundrum.
I’m focusing on the WHAT and the WHY and then the RIGHT NOW.
What I’m proposing in the transition is to create the WHAT and the WHY – if you can create ANYTHING with your blank canvas, letting go of the multiple choice options.
And then you decide to believe it IS possible, you just haven’t figured out the HOW yet. And then you just start walking out the HOW.
What that looks like
- Taking one step
- Exploring: what if it’s possible, what step would I take next if I believed this was possible for me?
Creating a New Identity
Eg. people try to change their actions but don’t change their identity
This is why they revert back
Eg. of client core beliefs: “I have to take care of everyone else before I look after myself. I’m not the priority.”
How do you picture your life in 1 year?
"I would like to be wearing what I love to wear. I wake up early in the morning, get outside. I would want my plate to be colourful, and eating vegetables and meet someone. Genuinely be active and training for a marathon"
Transition can sometimes stem from pain or dissatisfaction
But to thrive in transition, the motivation needs to evolve from escaping pain to embracing what’s possible
Growth requires discomfort and a willingness to feel fear and uncertainty
Allow yourself to dream outside of the multiple choice options
What if anything was possible?
Focus on the WHY and the WHAT – you’ll figure out the HOW by doing.
Taking those little steps each day, making mistakes, picking yourself back up and doing.